TDY and woes...

..So I find myself faced with a TDY. Not a long one, probably only 6 weeks and definitely no more than two months. That's not a very long time, especially compared with the year that many people face during deployment.

I can't figure out why I'm so scared. It's not like we've never been apart before, and this kind of thing is going to become more and more frequent as his career moves forward. In fact, I'm lucky as balls that I've been able to spend as much time with him as I have. So why am I so scared this time?

I mean, he'll win father and husband of the year every time, but let's face it...he's not exactly helper of the year. Most days he leaves before the sun gets up, and doesn't come back until late evening. I'm pretty much doing it by myself anyways, so why am I so FREAKING SCARED?

I'm trying to move past the feeling, to try figure out WHY I'm feeling it...basically banish the emotion from the situation, and solve it that way.

Maybe it's because this will be my first time alone with Nel? That's silly though, because I'm alone with her 98% of the time anyway. But if I am overwhelmed or fed up on a weekend, he's there to take over. Maybe I'm afraid of losing my patience with her, and having no calming influence around to tell me to take a chill pill. She's a stubborn little gem, and we all know I have no patience.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid of feeling abandoned. I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman. I like to think I'm a solid military wife. I like to think that I can take these things in stride. But what if that's simply not true? Maybe I'm not as independent as I think. Or maybe I just need adult human contact, even if it's only for an hour in the evening.

Am I afraid of an emergency? I deal with most of them already, but I tend to freak out a bit...and he calms me down and helps me think logically through the situation.

Maybe I'll miss cooking for someone.

I know deep down that I can do this. Mostly because I have no choice. We never really know ourselves and what we're capable of until we're put in a situation, right?

Either way, I'll be missing half my heart. I don't really care if it's un-feminist and unpopular to feel that way. He's such a huge part of me, that it will hurt to be away.