2010...

...it's the next big thing. Since I spent all day on the couch watching "Rome" with the sexiest man in the universe, I'll spend a few minutes before bedtime making sure I write down what needs to be done this year.

I like that nobody is reading this blog now, I like that it's private. I don't have to worry so much about what I say, or who will see it. Doesn't even matter if I misspell a word. Not that I would. I adore proper spelling.

But back to the point, don't get distracted young lady.

In 2010....

Stick to that terrible budget I keep making

Exercise with Neela twice a week up until I pop.

Show my husband how much I love and need him, every single day

Stop buying clothing that I'm not going to fit in a few months

Have 1000 buckeroos in savings.

Pay off 45oo off that visa.

Stick to only eating out on date night.

Meh, other than the working out part, and most of the money related stuff, this won't be so hard=)

Because I can...

...I just ate three entire cucumbers! And they were delicious!

On another note, what a fabulous vacation we just had. There's NOTHING like fancy hotels, midnight room service, swimming pools, and exorbitantly priced breakfasts to kick off a holiday..

Unless it's a patriotic dog collar on the world's smelliest dog, or knowing that tomorrow will be even better than today.

I can't stop eating cheese, I'm sleeping 10 hours a night, I'm hungry 24 hours a day, and I can no longer stand the sight of ketchup. I've been shocked, terrified, amazed, thrilled, and tearful over and over again. I've given up wine and caffeine. My vitamins are perfectly balanced, and I monitor my iron intake religiously. I spent 45 minutes yesterday researching the safety of herbal teas. No more tuna, no more sushi, no more deli meats, no more brie cheese.

Our family will be one extra. It's no longer just ourselves we'll have to worry about. Sometimes the responsibility of what we've gotten ourselves into hits, and I get a little bit scared. Will we have enough money for me to take time off work? Will Claudia be jealous? Will we be any good at this?

All that aside, I can't wait to meet this creature, this blueberry sized wee one who is sucking up all my energy. I hope he has a nose like his daddy, a beautiful dimple in his chin, and eyes that are coloured like tea.

The Sweetest Vengeance

...Is a life well lived. A life filled with happiness so vast that it threatens to split your heart in two. Vengeance doesn't have to involve the other person at all! This kind of vengeance thwarts all their plans without having to stoop to that level...this, my friends, is the greatest lesson I have to learn right now.

My kind of vengeance will involve chubby smiling babies, trips to Disneyland, traveling the world with someone who loves me, realizing financial goals, purring cats and loving dogs, hanging red curtains, dancing until dawn, sushi with friends, and always taking my vitamins.

My kind of vengeance will break you, because you cannot stand to see that you've failed. You've failed to make me miserable. You've failed to break me. You have failed at the only thing you know how to do. You've failed because I have all the things you don't. Because I have a heart that's filled with joy, and you will never know that.

Vengeance belongs to the Lord. But THIS, this I can do with his blessing. You can sit there with hate rotting your very being. I will choose happiness and love. Thank God I have the option.

Oh Yes...

And Pie.

I lurve it.

I lurve peach pie first,

Followed by lemon,

Then Apple.

Pumpkin pie is fantastic.

I am not a fan of pecan pie.

Shepherds pie is lovely,

But in a different category.

Sigh.

Pie.

I lurve it.

I Love You..

Because you love me enough to forgive me. Because you understand that I am weak and stupid, and you love me regardless. I know I don't deserve it...I know that I took it for granted, doubted your love. In retrospect, I can't see how I didn't see it.

You are my everything. Every breath I take in for the rest of my life is for you. I will make you happy, I will spend every day showing you how much I love you. I have to show you, because my words are so desperately inadequate. Thank you for understanding this about me, for not trying to change it. I feel accepted, adored, and appreciated. You and me, baby. I love you.

Love Your Enemies...

...and bless those who curse you. Do good to those who persecute you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.

Is that impossible? Of all the things asked of me that I have difficulty with, this is the worst. I simply do not know how. How do I forgive someone who takes joy in watching me suffer? Someone who is willing to destroy entire families, careers, and relationships in hopes of seeing a single tear? How does a person like that fit into this? Am I not supposed to fight back? And if so, where is the line drawn? Where does it stop being self-preservation and start being vengeance?

I don't think I can do it.

I have made so many mistakes. I acknowledge them, and accept them. I am willing to spend the rest of my life making them right. I understand that I have to pay the consequences of my actions, but I can't help praying every day for leniency, for understanding, for just one more chance to do the right thing...I never make the same mistake twice.

I am trying so hard not to hate.

How do I stop...

I am lonely tonight. Quarter of nine Friday night. Right around the time most people start thinking of weekend plans, calling friends, putting on eyeliner...

I'm lonely. I have a dog and two bottles of cheap wine. The dog I love, but the wine tastes like it's been put through a dishwasher with a generous amount of Palmolive.

There are places to go, if one wanted to be around people. I could put on eyeliner and a big ole fake smile and venture out to play. I would probably make some friends, meet some interesting people, hear some fascinating lies.

The problem is, I really don't like people. There are very few who are worth the skin they're sown into, and I wouldn't find them in a place full of fake smiles.

So how is it then, that I'm lonely? That I feel like I need company...and yet dread the thought of being with people?

I am just so sick of being inside my own head. Until recently, it was a beautiful place to be...I always imagined it as being golden and smelling like apples.

So much as changed in such a short amount of time. Now I imagine the inside of my head is damp and smells rather like an unused barn.

Ah well.

There are those with worse things than I.

There is a sweet smelling basil plant in the kitchen.

A dog looking at me with loving eyes.

1 and 1/3 bottles of cheap wine.

a bowl of red cherries in the fridge

and a bottle of pink toe-nail polish that needs to be tested.

But I'm still lonely.

Basic Manners 101

Alright.  I am a fairly nice girl.  I do not generally like to cause a scene in public.  However, as a recent immigrant to these great United States, I feel like I should say something to my fellow immigrants.

* Remember, we are guests in this country.  Living here is our privilege, not our right.  Respect the traditions, respect the people, and respect the flag.  There is no room for argument on this point.

*Social Assistance Systems exist in this country.  If you are a taxpayer, and you are having a difficult time making ends meet, by all means use them to get back on your feet.  If you are NOT a taxpayer, you are not entitled to them.  They are a courtesy extended to taxpayers by other taxpayers.  I don't care if you have 12 children that you can't feed because you foolishly over-bred. That is not my concern, it is yours.

*The language of this country is English.  It is a beautiful language.  We use it for business, pleasure, and services.  What you speak in your own homes, is entirely up to you.  I am sure you, also, have a beautiful language.  However, when conducting transactions with Americans, it is a common courtesy to do so in the language of this country.  Learn this language.  Others are not expected to provide you with goods and services in your language.  If this occurs, it is a courtesy and not an entitlement.

*It is entirely possible the the rules of operating a motor vehicle are different here than in your home country.  Please take a moment to review the differences before getting behind the wheel.

Do not operate said vehicle while under the influence of alcohol.  Buy proper insurance for the vehicle.  Respect other drivers.

*Do not commit crimes in this country.  That makes it difficult for others to come here.  If you commit a crime, and are subsequently detained, I assure you it is not because you are being discriminated against. Take a moment, and review the laws of the United States.  Ignorance of said laws is a weak excuse.

*America is a country with high standards.  You may notice that some things that you are used to doing may not be acceptable here.  Please make a note of these and make the appropriate changes.  

Welcome to America.  She is a proud and strong country, and we are lucky to be here.  Let's show Americans that immigrants can make this country stronger.  Respect America and her people, and she will most certainly show you that within her arms, most anything is possible.

  

They make me happy.

Cheese sauce, green tea, red curtains, flannel sheets, piano music, bergamot candles, sunshine in a kitchen, smell of coffee, hooks on which to hang things, curiously shaped rooms, photographs, bamboo, wine glasses arranged in a row, tiger lilies, scarves, sound of the dishwasher, miso soup, cold dog noses, scratchy cat tongues, smell of salt water, smell of snow to come, kicking up dead leaves, eating snow, christmas trees, christmas carols, cellos, sound of a lawnmower, wagging tails, potato chips, waffle makers, thunderstorms, howling winds, oranges, candy-canes, dandylions, falling asleep, folding clean laundry, polaroid pictures, spaghetti, reading with coffee, walking long distances, towels, watching 'Jeopardy', non-stick cookware, road trips, painted toenails, fresh sheets, IMAX, mangoes, a lovers' snores, sweet kisses...

http://www.phillytalkradioonline.com/comment/10-great-things.html 

BECAUSE AMERICA IS A BLOODY GREAT PLACE!

"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."

Kurt Vonnegut

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college"

Kurt Vonnegut

I wish Mr. Vonnegut were alive to write more books.  I am looking for something to read today, and everything seems so mundane.

Another cold, foggy, overcast, windy day in Monterey!  REAAALLLLY?  Was I expecting anything different?  Once, just once...I want to wake up to sunshine.  

Ok, I take that back.  More than once.  Every day would be nice, but I don't want to get greedy.

I sense a conundrum here...I am not at all an optimist.  In fact, I am shamelessly the opposite.  And yet, people who whine annoy me.  Sometimes I fear that I'm one of those whiners...I catch myself every once and a while.

So in the interest of optimism, cloudy days should not matter.  DO not matter.

While my life isn't turning out exactly how I'd planned it at the wise age of 12, it is showing promise.   I am getting ready to do things for me, for my life, instead of worrying about the lives of others at the expense of my own.  

I can do this.  I am much stronger and braver than I've been assuming. 

I swear to god.....if that asshole Michael Vick is allowed to make shit tonnes of money again, 

I will lose what's left of my faith in mankind.

I don't see why his dogs shouldn't be allowed to enjoy his tender bits for a late lunch.

What an extraordinarily nice sleep.  There is something about waking up to a purring cat face that makes mornings infinitely more pleasant.  Even if said cat is only purring because she wants to go outside and kill things.

I've been two months here in Monterey.  People say to enjoy it because it's the nicest place we'll ever be posted.  I think the weather is rubbish, but I'm rather a pessimist.  Today looks nice and sunny.  I will try to be optimistic today.  Sounds like a small goal?  Trust me, it's not.

So this is the equivalent of keeping a diary these days?

Have I gotten that old?  

Perhaps the gray hairs should have clued me in.

I have only just learned how to text with both hands.

I already whine about the state of youth today.

I've only used a cell phone for a year.

I enjoy cereal made with bran.

I am only 27.