TDY and woes...

..So I find myself faced with a TDY. Not a long one, probably only 6 weeks and definitely no more than two months. That's not a very long time, especially compared with the year that many people face during deployment.

I can't figure out why I'm so scared. It's not like we've never been apart before, and this kind of thing is going to become more and more frequent as his career moves forward. In fact, I'm lucky as balls that I've been able to spend as much time with him as I have. So why am I so scared this time?

I mean, he'll win father and husband of the year every time, but let's face it...he's not exactly helper of the year. Most days he leaves before the sun gets up, and doesn't come back until late evening. I'm pretty much doing it by myself anyways, so why am I so FREAKING SCARED?

I'm trying to move past the feeling, to try figure out WHY I'm feeling it...basically banish the emotion from the situation, and solve it that way.

Maybe it's because this will be my first time alone with Nel? That's silly though, because I'm alone with her 98% of the time anyway. But if I am overwhelmed or fed up on a weekend, he's there to take over. Maybe I'm afraid of losing my patience with her, and having no calming influence around to tell me to take a chill pill. She's a stubborn little gem, and we all know I have no patience.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid of feeling abandoned. I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman. I like to think I'm a solid military wife. I like to think that I can take these things in stride. But what if that's simply not true? Maybe I'm not as independent as I think. Or maybe I just need adult human contact, even if it's only for an hour in the evening.

Am I afraid of an emergency? I deal with most of them already, but I tend to freak out a bit...and he calms me down and helps me think logically through the situation.

Maybe I'll miss cooking for someone.

I know deep down that I can do this. Mostly because I have no choice. We never really know ourselves and what we're capable of until we're put in a situation, right?

Either way, I'll be missing half my heart. I don't really care if it's un-feminist and unpopular to feel that way. He's such a huge part of me, that it will hurt to be away.

My New Obsession...

...is my finances! Finally I've found a place where my weird obsessive compulsive tendencies will be a positive rather than a negative!
We've started using Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, which basically consists of 5 steps to complete financial awesomeness. If we stick to the system, we will be COMPLETELY out of debt, with $12,000 in savings in TWO FREAKING YEARS!! The thought blows my mind, in a wonderful way.

Step one is saving $1000 for a mini emergency fund. After we get paid on the 1st of the month, we will have that step completed!

Step two is the debt snowball. We start with our smallest debt, which is our car note. We pay the minimum balance on all other debts, and put EVERYTHING extra onto this debt until it's paid off. Then, we move on to the second smallest and so on. This step will take about 18 months for all our debts. Car note, credit card, and student loans..ALL GONE!

The steps after that consist of paying off your house, funding your IRA's, and saving for kids college funds.

I am so excited and focused on this! We've written up a pretty strict budget to allow us to use as much money as possible on the debt snowball, and so far we've been rockstars about sticking to it. We've never had too much trouble with money, always enough to pay the bills and have some fun. But now, we're telling our damn money where to go instead of wondering where it went...and I'm actually surprised at how well we could have been doing if we'd started this sooner.

6 months ago, and it feels like forever. 6 months ago, and it feels like no time at all.
In the first half of her first year, Miss Nel accomplished:
Smiling at 6 weeks old
Rolling at 10 weeks old
laughing at 14 weeks old
Playing with toys at 4 months old
Sitting at 5 months old
Eating delicious carrots at 6 months old!

Here she is at 22 weeks!

AND just before I popped!

AND about a half hour old!

AND NOW SHE IS HALF!! Happy six month birthday to my wee butterbean!

Okay. Why is it that I have nothing to say? I have SO MUCH to say! And yet, when I sit down to try write, nothing comes. Why is it so hard for my thoughts to translate into words? My life has turned itself upside down, righted itself, and flipped again in the last two years, and the most I can write about is Weinerschnitzel?? I went through the hardest time of my life, strengthened my marriage, carried and delivered the most beautiful daughter, moved cities, found our our permanent military assignment, met some of the best friends...and I have nothing to say? I hope this just takes practice, because I like my thoughts. I want to record them, for myself, for my child, for my husband.
I am happy now. I have come to terms with bad decisions, made better decisions, and forgiven myself for things I thought were unforgivable. I have an exciting life. I get to see the world, and see it again through the eyes of my baby. How can I have nothing to say?
I have a beautifully crafted budget!! That, if nothing else, is worth talking about! It's balanced down to the penny! It includes college funds for Nel, retirement, and investments! True, its only existed for 6 weeks, but I've STUCK to it for 6 weeks! That's a big freaking deal for me.
I can do this, I'll just practice.

Oh my god I have a BLOG!

I completely forgot! What fun! My bestie has a blog, and it's high time that our blogs became friends. Wee Nel's morning nap is a perfect time for me to ramble on about pointless things, yes?

First things first. We are in Texas for the next couple months. It's pretty heinous. Not Texas, necessarily, but the town itself. It's past dying and on its way to dead. businesses are boarded up, there are no places to walk Claudia, and Miss Pandexter cannot go outside and terrorize the local rodent population. There is no sushi, no Thai or Indian food, and an unseemly amount of steakhouses.

To ward off depression, I am trying to think of one nice thing per day about Texas.

Today. I enjoy that there are two Wienerschnitzel restaurants on my daily commute. The name makes me giggle uncontrollably.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be stationed here permanently. I mean, I understand that every place is what you make it, but this town is heartbreaking.

Hello baby...

I don't get to meet you for another 5 months. I don't know if you're a boy or girl, but I read today that you're getting toenails this week! I think you're a boy...all the old wives' tales say that you're a boy. Except the Chinese birth calendar, that says you're a girl.

I hope you like us, you know. We're not so bad. The dog smells a little, and the cat can be a bit of a snob...

Your daddy is a great man, the smartest I've ever known. I hope you listen to him, and I hope you grow up like him. He knows more than I could ever hope to learn. He's one of the few men left in the universe that truly know right from wrong.

We'll move around a lot, I hope you learn to like weird foods and strange languages.

This week, you're the size of an avocado...but I'm tired all the time, so I suppose you're getting ready for a growth spurt.

Goodnight, wee child. Sleep well, or dance well, or swim well, or whatever it is that you do inside me right now. See you in a few months.

2010...

...it's the next big thing. Since I spent all day on the couch watching "Rome" with the sexiest man in the universe, I'll spend a few minutes before bedtime making sure I write down what needs to be done this year.

I like that nobody is reading this blog now, I like that it's private. I don't have to worry so much about what I say, or who will see it. Doesn't even matter if I misspell a word. Not that I would. I adore proper spelling.

But back to the point, don't get distracted young lady.

In 2010....

Stick to that terrible budget I keep making

Exercise with Neela twice a week up until I pop.

Show my husband how much I love and need him, every single day

Stop buying clothing that I'm not going to fit in a few months

Have 1000 buckeroos in savings.

Pay off 45oo off that visa.

Stick to only eating out on date night.

Meh, other than the working out part, and most of the money related stuff, this won't be so hard=)